Gentle parenting is a method that promotes a partnership between parent and child, focusing on making choices driven by internal motivation rather than external pressure. This approach encourages parents to be mindful of the behavior they model, foster compassion, welcome emotions, and see their child as a capable and whole individual.
Selecting a parenting style is not always a deliberate choice made when becoming a parent. Often, the approach we adopt reflects our own upbringing. Some parents may seek to emulate the strengths their parents exhibited, while others may use their childhood as a guide for what they want to avoid.
A key aspect of gentle parenting is its focus on reflection or what we call parenting with empathy. Central to this method is thinking about the compassion you show your child. With so many parenting styles to choose from, the options can seem overwhelming. If gentle parenting is unfamiliar, this guide to gentle parenting can help you explore whether it suits your family.
What Makes This Approach Desirable?
Gentle parenting, also known as collaborative parenting or soft parenting, does not rely on punishment or control. Instead, it emphasizes connection, communication, and shared decision-making within the family.
There are several advantages to gentle parenting:
Promotes Independence: Children learn to be active participants in the world, set boundaries, trust their needs, and express their voices.
Builds Confidence: It helps children assert themselves respectfully and clearly.
Reduces Anxiety: Research suggests that gentle parenting can lower anxiety by promoting more regulated responses in social situations.
Strengthens Parent-child Bonds: This approach enhances the parent-child relationship with love, time, and support being the most valuable gifts.
Fosters Positive Social Skills: Children, especially toddlers and kindergarteners, mimic what they observe. Gentle parenting's emphasis on empathy and respect helps them model those traits, encouraging them to grow into empathetic, respectful individuals.
Gentle Parenting Advice to Help You Get Started
Focus on the action, not the child: Separate the behavior from the person when you respond. For instance, instead of saying "You're mean to your brother," try, "I don't think your brother likes it when you do that. How about trying something else?" This approach teaches that mistakes are part of learning not something that defines a person.
Model kindness: Be kind to yourself, showing your child how to treat their own emotions with curiosity and compassion. If you are tired, for example, you can say, "I'm really tired today. I think I'll go to bed early tonight." This models self-care for your child.
Use collaboration, not commands: Replace directives with collaborative questions. For example, instead of saying, "Wear your socks," ask, "How about you wear your socks, so your feet don’t get cold?"
Encourage positive action: Instead of saying "no," offer alternatives that focus on the desired behavior. For instance, rather than saying "Don't touch that," you could say, "Careful when you explore that. It can easily break." Or "This is just for looking."
Conclusion
Gentle or positive parenting techniques are rooted in respect, empathy, connection, explanation, and setting healthy boundaries while offering realistic choices. It involves trial and error, and success will not always come immediately. However, with time and patience, both parents and children will benefit from this approach. Gentle parenting also involves self-awareness, allowing parents to reflect on the kind of parent they want to be and how they wish to be perceived. Early child development has its challenges, and it is best to choose and continue with a particular parenting style that both you and your child can get comfortable with right from the start.
Lao Tzu once noted that while water is soft and yielding, it eventually wears down rock. This strength in gentleness highlights the lasting impact of soft yet consistent efforts.
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